Dipping my toes into this blog ocean

Hello world. This is a short intro yet I have no clue where to start. I have been on a journey towards healing. Healing from religion, abuse, hating myself, and all the messed up issues that come along. I Shawna a fearful codependent with a knack for narcist that have little abily to love , am having to learn to love me, to stand up for me, to know I am worthy of a great life & happiness. I will be sharing my story ( sheesh it’s so long and crazy, also whatever madness comes to mind.

I have recently given up religion ( Christianity) and lost friends etc, I have a small group of amazing people I learn from and gain encouragement… Yet days like today there is still pain, hard lessons, situations where knives cut deep and my back is against a wall, wave the white flag again or fight.

Seems to be my life’s mission. Freedom comes with a price for sure, its never gained easy. I have been fighting within myself of what do I surrender to! Life seemed easier when I had to shut my damn mouth and submit, but the fire raging in me has to come out. I can no longer live a mundane life trying to be compliant so that everyone else is happy and their needs met. I’m not getting younger and I refuse to keep racking up regrets.

Another area of focus has been acceptance and detachment. What do we let go of and just accept, how can we just detach from humans and let them be/do as they wish without being emotionally involved? Oh this codependent has no words of wisdom but it sounds so damn good!

I latch on, I wrestle to change those hurting me, to fix it, I hold on like a leach even when my heart is being ripped out… Yet I smile bc I’m a damn ENFP personality , I’m a positive happy person lol. Sheesh! I think some believe that means please come destroy me.

Well with my ADD and non stop life I figured this first post would be all over and not really full of wisdom etc. Today I’m just trying learn to let go of things, even though I want to kick and scream and hold on for dear life… Do things happen for a reason? Do we fuck it up and create our own heartache? My ponderings today. Well good vibes to anyone reading, hopefully the next will have direction lol my name is Shawna I’m a 32 year old adventure /people junkie, my fave colors are turquoise and silver, I have 5 kids, a husband and puppy, I currently stay home and roam free, I love French fries, I love music, its nice to meet you!

Song for the day… Tove Lo Crave

Good vibes to you today, let’s try to let go together.


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